How to do Dishes RikuStyle
by leradny
Summary: And now, featured in these highly intimate and personal communications... Riku and Kairi.
1. How to Do Dishes RikuStyle

**How to Do Dishes Riku-Style**

Summary: Focuses on Kairi and Riku and may not at all be romantic. But as I ship Kairiku, be warned.

-  
As Riku drifts off to sleep in Kairi's house, on the couch littered with game pieces and little bits of string and possibly pencils (something is poking into his back), he finds himself assaulted by memories.

Many memories.

Random memories, from when he was about twelve and Kairi was eleven and Sora was sleeping, just like he was now.

And in the way things have of sneaking up on you till you're drifting off to sleep in your friend's house, this one singled him out, floating to the surface and covering his mouth imploringly.

The silver-haired almost-teenaged boy began breathing it in, hints of colour poking around the edges of his mind as he dove deeper and deeper into the blackness...

Kairi turned the lights on whenever she got up at night. It was a bad habit, but an innocent one--born of childlike fear and smoke in your eyes from the tricks the mirror played.

(Is that me? Is that nobody? Is that just a mirror?)

She trailed her hands along the edges of the wall quickly. Nervously. White hands sliding against the white walls that sloped down to meet the carpet or hardwood flooring, till she found a switch.

"Riku... S-sora..."

The lights blazed on as she whimpered, yet Sora slept through it all. Fears, childlike calling, lights... he was out like one.

Riku stirred and pulled his head up from where it had been buried in his arm.

"...Mm?"

It was his house they were at right now--Riku's house--and even though he could just as easily go to his own bed he preferred to stay up with his friends in the living room till they practically passed out where they were.

On the carpets or hardwood flooring... or on Riku's personal favourite, his dignified little perch on the right side of the couch.

"...Kairi?"

The word struggles out of his mouth, but that is all she needs.

"Riku!" She pounces on him, going in his general direction till she bumps into the couch, then shakes him even further awake. "C-could you take me to the kitchen? ...I'm thirsty..."

At first Riku has no idea what's happening--doesn't she _know_ where the kitchen is?--then he remembers that they had only just now followed him home today, and it wasn't until Kairi said "Your house is really nice, Riku" that he and Sora realised she'd never been to his house.

"..." Riku cast a glance at Sora, presumably dead but for the rise and fall of his chest. It would take a nightmare to wake him up, and it looked like he was having good dreams.

The silver-haired boy sighed, rubbed his eyes, and shook himself completely awake before mumbling, "Sure, yeah, I'll take you..."

He brushes his hair out of his eyes and goes forth blindly into the hall, where lights no longer blaze and Kairi clutches at his elbow to keep up with him. The cold tilework numbs his feet up to the ankles, and it's like he's ankle deep in soft grey water, padding through beach sand and salt looking at things.

White hallways... wooden tables... maybe a painting here or there...

That's Riku's house, mild and shining slightly in the dark. A little bit boring, but not too bad in all.

...He supposes it reflects his own tastes...

Finally the third door to the right assembles itself before his eyes, the outline familiar and distinct against his eyes. A smack of brown against the whiteness.

He pulls the door open and stands, wavering slightly as his unshod feet take a moment to regain feeling of the ground. At least Kairi is wearing socks...

"Here we are... the kitchen." Riku gestures towards the black, yawning hole in the wall, almost nodding off where he stands. "...Okay, I'm going back to sleep now..."

"W-wait! Riku..."

The sense of fear in her bluey-purple eyes and the tightened clutching at his elbow sends a rush of much-needed blood to his head, one that wakes him up entirely like shaking wouldn't do.

_...Crap..._

He really should have noticed this _before_, when Kairi decided to waste electricity on a childish, foolish, completely innocent whim.

Now he just feels like a jerk.

"Oh... Sorry, Kairi..." He flicks the light on and ghosts into the room, a whisp of silver-coloured hair and mild clothing that fades into the rest of the mild, silver surroundings.

Really... the only reason Riku had for his ignorance... was that he had been tired.

_Fear doesn't stop to be tired..._

Riku sets down a glass of milk and a glass of water on the table, then plunks his own body into a chair as Kairi swerves into her solid hardwood seat, jitteringly.

"Kairi, I think you need to do something about being scared of the dark," he says suddenly, as he slides the glass across the wooden table to his friend. Past the stick of butter, waiting to be spread in a sandwich or a bagel. Past the two other chairs, on either side of the table. Both those chairs are hardwood... he has a strange amount of wooden things in his house

All the way across these details and things... to Kairi.

Sitting there in a white shirt, topped by red strawberry hair that is paper-thin as the sky on a wintery day. She takes the glass in both hands and tilts the white, glowy milk into her mouth.

"...Kairi?"

Her glass is half-empty when she puts it down, a frosty, thin slice of sweat on the outside edge. Riku sees it and thinks that he should have warmed it up--cold _anything_ would not help Kairi's jitters.

She stares out into the hallway, where the lights burn ever closer to their life's end of fizzling out unobtrusively. Milk glass half-empty, half-forgotten at once.

"Kairi."

"W-what?"

She jerks fearfully. The glass makes a hard, brittle 'clink!' against the table.

Riku pauses, and cannot remember what he wants to say. "...You gonna finish that milk?"

She nods. Takes the glass in both of her hands and drinks it down, like a tonic, or a cure against the cold and her fear of the dark.

Riku's redheaded friend is so serene most of the time that Riku can't forget about these moments. These little earthshaking events where Kairi jitters and starts like an engine on the fritz, nervous and scared and so _vulnerable_... A little play-school girl who shies at everything and doesn't want to move, all at the same time.

So not like Kairi, and at the same time entirely predictable.

_Kairi is afraid of the dark,_ he could tell people, and they wouldn't say a word of disbelief.

"I-it's..." She swallows. Not her milk, which is three-quarters finished. "It's not that... I'm scared of the dark... it's that my head plays tricks on me. I-I'm scared of what's waiting outside the back of my eyelids when I sleep..."

Riku sits... Stares glumly at the half-glass of water in front of his body... then he looks up.

"Kairi?" It's one of those rhetorical questions (though he doesn't know the meaning of the word till he's two or three years older--right now he just knows it's one of those questions that doesn't have an answer), so he goes on and says, "Don't move."

He hops to his feet and wavers, then makes his way across the room. The cold tile burns his feet.

"Riku--"

He shuts the door, swings his arm to the switch, and plunges them both into darkness.

"Aagh! Riku!"

"Shh--calm down..." He wavers back to his place at the table, arms outstretched so he won't bump into anything. He knows this place in the dark like the back of his hand, so he doesn't meet anything with his arms till he reaches the table and lets them hang down at his sides.

Then, Riku thinks better of it and stretches them out one more time.

"Here. Take my hands."

Kairi grabs them almost impulsively and holds on. Now they're making an oval around the glasses and the butter on the table--three circles from overhead and an egg-shape surrounding them.

"Okay?" he asks calmly, noticing her shaking hands. They're chilled from holding the milk, but they warm up quickly wrapped around his own larger fingers. "The only thing in this kitchen is me, Kairi. Nothing here but us."

Silence...

Shaking hands...

"Okay?" he repeats.

"...O...okay..." The jittering has gone down a little, like a fever, and Riku takes this as a good sign.

His eyes are adjusted now, and he can even make out the faint yellow on the butter plate. Shadows of the table and the outline of the milk, glowing slightly. Kairi's white shirt, outlined by a rim of black that is her chair.

"Kairi, can you see anything yet?"

"N-no..."

"C'mon, Kairi, just try really hard. Open your eyes."

A slight sniffle--when did she start sniffling? This must be harder on her than he'd thought, maybe he _shouldn't_ have done this...

"R-riku?" she asks waveringly.

"Yeah?"

She lets go of his hands firmly--if that's at all possible, and wipes at her eyes with a thin, glowing wrist.

"I can see you now... Th-thanks."

Riku is easy to see in the dark, with his whitish silver hair and the yellow on his clothes. If it had been Sora on the other end of the table from Kairi, she would have seen nothing but a dark outline--a shadow. Probably a monster to her overactive mind, rendered hyper by the dark.

But now she just sees Riku.

He curls his arms back into his half of the table and stretches them over his head. "Yeah... no problem, Kairi."

They finish the rest of their respective, glowy drinks in silence.

Still surrounded in the dark.

_Silence..._

Finally Riku takes the cups over to the sink when they're empty--not two minutes later--and blanches.

It is still dark in the kitchen, and he knows it like his hand, but he sees the outlines and edges of dishes still yet to be washed, waiting for a pair of pallid hands to take up the sponge and scrub them senseless.

The small lamp is switched on, casting a wan yellow light over them all, and Riku groans. "Ohh..."

That's right, it was _his_ turn to do the dishes today...

"Riku?" Kairi approaches the light eagerly, semi-gratefully. He can't tell if she was sincerely calmed by their earlier sitting in the dark. or if she's just relieved to have some light. Anyway, she asks him a question. "What's up?"

"I've just... got a whole load of dishes to do..." He grabs the sponge and the nearest silver spoon and starts scrubbing.

"Why are you doing the silverware first?" Kairi asks, poking her head around his shoulder--because she just isn't tall enough to poke her head _over_ it.

Bleary-eyed, tired, saddled with the one chore he really hates doing, and in no mood at all to answer questions fired from a curious little stick-skinny friend of his...

Riku answers it anyway, because it is just too hard to snap at Kairi when he and she are tired.

"Because they're pointy and sharp and it's easier to just get them out of the way first."

"Oh."

He turns the water on and rinses, a handful of silvery sticks with points at the ends.

"Whenever I see Sora do the dishes, he sort of fills the whole sink with water and washes the plates first because they're bigger."

"...Well..." he replies numbly, "...that's the way Sora does it." He starts on the cups and glasses next.

A sink full of water... yes, that is the way Sora does it, because Sora likes having fun. A sink full of water just has _so_ much potential for waterfights and splashing and almost drowning your best friend in the sink...

Riku lifts a plate and frowns when he sees another piece of silverware tucked underneath it. _Like **bugs,**_ he thinks ferociously. _They just don't want to be **found.**_

"Aggh..."

"I've never done dishes before," Kairi offers timidly, watching him like she's watching some kind of foreign ritual.

He blinks and forgets about the silverware scattered to hide from his gaze.

"You _what?_"

"W-well, I've dried dishes before, when Sora wanted help... but I've never actually..."

"Are you telling me you've never done _dishes_ before?" Turquoise eyes open wide and staring, sizing up the little girl behind him--eight, from the look of her, but she's really actually eleven--and thinks back to when his mother taught him how to do this particular, gutwrenchingly monotonous chore.

He had been eight.

Riku rolls his eyes and moves over. "C'mere."

"What for?" She takes the half-vacated spot gingerly, stepping into the close vicinity of the sink--and of him--then looks at him washed in the yellow faded light of the lamp.

"I'm gonna teach you how to do dishes, you little princess."

"_Now?_"

There is no malice or whining in either of the statements. They look at each other.

Kairi coughs and starts laughing thinly, and Riku joins in.

They laugh.

Quietly... Tiredly...

And then they get down to business.

It is really not the matter of washing a simple cup that is the problem--anyone can do that, even princesses like Kairi. It is managing the load that is the problem, because Riku insists that the smaller things should go first because they are often pointy and dangerous when wet, or they're more delicate and need to be handled carefully.

Whereas Kairi sees no problem with doing them as they come, dish after plate after saucer with the hiding silverware thrown randomly around in the order.

He has to teach her that she has to turn the water _off_ between the time she dries the dishes and the time she starts rinsing the next one, because leaving it on is just _wasteful_.

And yet...

Riku really doesn't mind, because after a few minutes of squabbling and tugging plates out of her hands to show her the _right_ way to do it...

They have _fun._

Fun, _without_ Sora.

And the dishes are done twice as fast.

Riku stirs halfway to life and groans accordingly, feeling stiff joints and an aching neck as the consequence of his usual sleeping position on the three-cushion couch (no less, in Kairi's house--enough to seat all three of them and maybe two more). Even when he piles an arm onto the armrest and puts his head on _that_, he still can't manage to wake up comfortably...

"...Mmmph..."

And he's always so _stiff_...

Riku brings the pillow arm up so he can shield his eyes from the glaringly orange and yellow decor (Sora's mom was never subtle in her decorating tastes), then tries to bring his other arm up so he can brush his hair out of his eyes at the same time...

And frowns.

His arm is trapped between the warm, cushiony feeling of the couch and the warmer, smoother feeling of a T-shirted back.

He uncovers his eyes and looks to see what's holding him up.

Paperthin hair, and a stick-skinny body... Red and white and maybe a little bit of blue to balance out the pink...

"..." Riku tilts his head slightly in puzzlement.

Kairi is snoozing between him and Sora. Her arms are crossed underneath her small head, as an impromptu pillow on Riku's lap.

...Riku pauses...

Takes in his breath through his mouth, feels the air sting...

And sighs.

He curls his arm back onto the armrest and goes back to sleep, because he just can't deal with waking up Kairi before she does so herself.

He's _tired_...


	2. Salt Skin, Paper Hair

**Notes:** I would just like to thank Post, God of the Teen Titans Fandom, for writing trillions of words in his own unique style. Seriously, if you think this chapter is good then take out the spaces here: http/ www. fanfiction .net/ post

He is way better than I am.

-  
**Salt Skin, Paper Hair**

It wasn't anything special for them; just a day at the beach grabbing shells from the yellow-white sands. Playing in the surf, splashing each other and Kairi, having little dunk fights to see which boy could hold his breath the longest...

Perfect fun-in-the-sun. Innocent-like. Like they weren't seventeen and sixteen and god knows they're too old for this...

None of them noticed the sun dip down into the horizon like crackers into cheese, nor the bluish blush creeping along the edges the sunset.

Not till Kairi started wading into the fuzzy foaming water to join the boys herself did Riku see how the dark red of her hair blended in with the eastern skies and realise...

It was late.

But it was Saturday. A weekend.

And Sunday... was a long way off.

So he decided not to say anything about it. (For once.)

Truth was, they could stay up past midnight with each other and never get bored.

...  
It started off as a mild bluish tingle. Fast-running water, a slice of paper-light newness against her ankles. Gentle and weak... like a string pulling her away.

It's just the tide, she told herself, even though she kept thinking at the same time that wasn't there something...

...else?

Something she should know about...?

She didn't pay attention to it, for once.

Kairi knew about the sea and no alarm bells were ringing; even Riku hadn't said anything and he was a little further away, standing in the ocean up to his waist. So she started wading in a diagonal line towards her friends.

And then...  
_  
**PULL!** _

The tingle started transforming into a rope around her legs that drew her down, sucking her under like a snail, under the shining blue sea--

"_Aaah_!"**  
**  
She lost her balance and breathed--coughed out her lungs as salt water invaded them, then dragged herself up.

"_Riku! Sora!_"

A flash of white hair and brown were the last things that came to her eyes before she went down again, vision stinging and blurry under the waves that touched her face...

"Kairi!"

The boys started running--half-swimming, really--till Riku stopped and held his arm out to halt Sora. "Hold on, it's a rip tide!"

And that was her cue--Kairi started remembering things. The tingle, the voice at the back of her head that knew the sea and its secrets, its dangers...

"Kairi, _swim_!" Riku had got himself out of the water, dragging a conflicted Sora behind him. "Sora, I don't want to have to rescue you, too, just _get out of the water_!"**  
**  
While he was saying that, Kairi turned her head northward and swam.

...  
It was a little known fact outside their group that Kairi could swim like a demon. Even faster than Riku could run, if she was feeling particularly up to it. Beneath that little stick-skinny body and muscles that had all the strength of an insect... fragile looking arms and frail skin... there was a spirit that was truly at ease in the water, floating with grace and elan.

She couldn't stand learning more complicated moves--a simple 'swim,' the traditional wheeling of the arms and legs kicking, that was enough for her--and they'd never bothered teaching her.

It was pretty much the one thing that she could really, truly best the boys at.

Besides waiting for them.

Riku runs. Outstripping Sora with ease and just about keeping up with the red spot in the water--but then, she's not swimming straight, she's swimming _diagonally_, and the water is pulling her out (_she's getting pulled, away from me, away from us_)...

They spend moments, hours, definite minutes trying to keep up with each other, Sorah panting in the background... and then even Riku gets winded and has to catch his breath.

Gasp...

Breathe...

He holds on to his chest for a moment, then stands up and yells, "Kairi!"

She submerges for a moment, a half-beat, then drifts languidly up to the surface.

Still pulling away...

"Kairi!" Sora yells, panicking.

Riku clenches his fist and swears.

"_Dammit!_" Kairi's winded too--and the rip tide still isn't over yet, not by a long-shot.

They're panicking...

They're winded...

_Tired..._

Their best friend is getting swept out to sea...  
_  
You haven't seen the last of me._

**"_Kairi_!"** He throws off his jacket and jumps in, scanning the water for clues.

The blue water gets in his hair--he shuts his eyes quickly before they can get washed... breaks through the surface and breathes.

He doesn't need to swim hard today--the current is taking him out to her, quickly.

In a second... in which he is not properly rested... he reaches Kairi. Coils one long arm around her waist (_there is no time for embarrassment now_)and checks to see if she's breathing. She is, and that's good.

He starts pulling her, half-aided and half-hindered by Kairi's struggling strokes.

"Don't--" Riku gasps in another breath. A little water, salty and plain, gets into his mouth. "D-don't move... you're just making it harder for me to..."

She stops.

Sora is running along the shore, maybe a few feet behind. But he's keeping up magnificently, and when Riku finally feels the malicious pull of the rip-tide fall away under his feat to reveal pounding, gentle waves...

He collapses.

Well, not really.

But he definitely goes a little limp with shock and relief.

"K...Kairi?" he asks, feeling his lungs burn on the out syllable. He's somehow inhaled a match... two matches... because he feels like he's breathing in smoke...

"I'm okay."

A gentle arm around his shoulder, gentle like the tides...

...And Kairi begins towing him to shore.

"Hang on, Riku."

Riku...

"It's my turn."

_Land_...

...  
Exhausted like the both of them and nearly crying with relief, Sora runs to his house to get blankets while Riku coughs and gags on the shore, on his hands and knees in the crumbling white sand.

In front of him, Kairi smooths her wet hair out of her eyes and looks at him, earnestly. Like she's waiting for something.

For god's sake... it's like she's rescued _him_ from the rip tide...

"R-riku?" Kairi asks, starting to shiver.

He blinks. About to drag his fingers across his forehead, he sees the sand covering it and uses his wrist instead. "Hey... you're shaking..."

"...Yeah, but--"

He stands up--shakes off the dead, limp feeling in his arms and walks over to where his jacket lies discarded on the sand.

It's not that far... when Riku picks it up and shakes the sand out of it, he can just barely see the dips in the ground where he and Kairi were sitting.

She meets him halfway there and pauses.

"Here." He drapes the jacket over her shoulders and falls down on the sand where he is. "Aggh..." Massages a cramp out of his leg.

"Are you okay, Riku?" She kneels next to him, concerned.

"Y-yeah, I'm just... I gotta catch my second wind... I'll be fine, all right?"

He needs to do this more often. Not rescue his friends from the deeps, because that's horrible and time-consuming...

He needs to swim more often.

Seriously.

Build up just a _little_ more endurance so they'll squeak by with more than the skin of their teeth.

And so his lungs won't feel like popped balloons after...

"Hey--guys!"

An indifferent, battle-weary gaze and a curious one attach themselves to Sora, running up to them with indistinctly coloured blankets in his arms.

What are they, purple? Blue? Well, one of them looks _brown_ from this angle...

The brunet throws one of them to Riku, who eyes it distastefully and more than a little bit trustlessly...

Sora stops when he sees Kairi is under Riku's jacket and finally drapes it over her knees.

She grins and says thank you.

Together, they watch as the last bit of red bleeds out from the middle of the sunset, leaving tumbling stars out behind.

The day is over... and now nighttime begins.

Saturday... half the time is gone...

...  
They sit there, exhausted. Drinking in each others' presence.

Watch the stars twinkle and shine, one by one...

Try and count them with unobserving minds...

Two... three...

Five...

And then Sora shifts. "Guys?"

"Hmm?"

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes I wonder..."

The rest of it slowly blanks out, filling Riku's head for a second and going out the other ear. He doesn't bother paying attention this time because Sora doesn't mind if they don't listen to him once in a while... and really, there's something more important...

He's watching Kairi.

And... Kairi is staring at him.

...He wonders...

"..." Sora leaves off at the final word and looks at them. "Guys?"

Kairi ignores it, or maybe she just doesn't hear it because she says this at almost the same time: "Hey... Riku?"

"Yeah?"

An uncomfortable silence. At least, on Kairi's part.

She squirms...

Wait...

She'd started to ask him something before...

So maybe this is it.

"..."

"...I just realised..."

_Sounds like something earthshattering_, Riku thinks.

"...You have... a lot of hair..."

_...Oh, god._**  
**  
She curls her shins under her thighs and looks up at him earnestly, gaining momentum.

"In fact, you have more hair than the both of us combined."

Sora starts sniggering silently but stops at a glare from Riku.

Kairi stares.

"...It is _way_ longer than before..."

Now Kairi hasn't blinked for two minutes and it is _freaking him out_.

Numb... completely lost for words... Riku picks his words slowly. Like paopu fruit.

"It's not like... I..."

"..."

"..." Sora struggles; there's a manic grin on his face.

"Could have cut my hair..." Riku continues...

Thinking...

"...With the keyblade."

Silence.

"...Kairi." He finishes.

Dead silence.

Then...

"Hahahahahaha...!" Sora clutches at his stomach and points at him. "Oh, man--you should've seen your **i **_face_,** /i **Riku!"

"Shut up!" Riku whips his head around to bark at his friend, then looks up when Kairi stands up. "Kairi?"

She crouches onto her knees behind him. "Just one second, Riku... hold still."

_PULL!_

_"Aaggggggghhhhh!_"

...  
In the space of two seconds, his vision goes from sandy white to the clear, oceanless sky up above. His neck cranes and red blurs start to swirl behind his eyes.

"KairiwhattheheckareyouDOING!" It comes out as a tortured, breathless squeal due to the four clawlike fingers stuck into a clump of his hair.

"Combing your hair."

"Ahahahahaha--!"

"Shut UP, Sora!"

"Geez, Riku..." She pulls the fingers out and inspects them critically. A few white strands of Riku's hair are tangled in-between them. "I mean, your hair _looks_ all perfect and shiny even when it's wet, but it's really all tangled inside..." She flutters her fingers nonchalantly and starts again.

"Ow!"

"Oh, stop it, you big baby."

"_Owww_!"

"Do you _ever_ comb your hair?"

"OWWW! Quit it, Kairi--leave me alone!"

"Hang on--I'll get a proper comb and--"

"No, no, no, no, NO! I said LEAVE IT ALONE!"

...  
Riku stares at himself in the mirror. Neutrally.

Scrutinising...

Streaks of white salt and pale skin, washed into one colour...

Wet, salted shirt... Slightly dripping hair...

...He frowns.

...

...He...

_Comb!_

...

He picks it up and gets to work, combing.

Pulling it through his long hair...  
_  
Gently_...

"Ow."

...

"Ow."

...

"Ow."

...

After twenty minutes, he is left with silver in the comb... and a wet, untangled mass of silver hair to match. The comb clicks as he palms it onto the dresser...

Smooths his hair out of his eyes...

...Oh, god, it is _so **silky**_, and...

...

...

...and...

...

...

...done.


	3. Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

**Doesn't Get Any Better Than This **

...

The Mall.

Sometimes, at the barest hinges of Riku's memory where they swing to the back of his mind, he can remember a time when there _wasn't_ any mall; where he stood in empty space with a six-year-old Sora before the grey, flat plain before them suddenly became studded with planks, and machinery, and working men over the days and weeks and years.

He remembers a few little tiny shops poking up in the square--the town centre, they called it, before it was a _mall_--small places where sugar-filled candies and other delights were smuggled out one by one through sleeves and in pockets. Riku even remembers the first time they took Kairi to the mall, back when she was still a stranger and not just the friend they'd had for years.

But that... is a story for another day.

The strangest thing about the time the three teenagers spent at the mall together was the fact that they were _never_ together at the mall. It was that, in an eerily complacent, quiet manner, they would each split off into their own seperate directions: Kairi to the east, Riku to the north, and Sora to the west side of the mall.

Kairi enjoyed hanging out at the petshop (even though her father would never let her keep one, besides maybe a fish). The first time they showed Kairi to the mall was the first time Riku had ever been bored, so bored that it had been the most boring day in the history of history for him. Sora liked the petshop, as he always tended to give things more of a chance than his silver-haired friend... but after the first few visits he got bored too and went back to his game shop.

To the retailer who knew him by name.

Actually, Sora breezed through several shops over the course of the years. It was in his nature to be mercurial, to keep moving--and yet, the path of his movement could be strangely predictable. If Riku and Kairi couldn't find him at his usual haunts, they would only have to look for the nearest, newest video game store and there he would be, chatting up a storm with the man across the counter.

Meanwhile, through Kairi's squealing at the adorable fuzzy things locked in cages and Sora's mad addiction to video games and whoever else was around, Riku would sit quietly in a corner of the bookstore and read.

Very, very occasionally--about once in a blue moon, or on every other birthday--he would buy a book and go to a cafe so he could read in the same relative silence and peace, but have a drink while he was at it.

The way Riku had found the cafe was when he had found the bookstore crowded beyond belief; his little quiet corner occupied by someone else. That very same day--floundering and impatient to get someplace _silent_--was the day Riku had settled for the coffee shop.

So it was terribly obvious that no one at school would ever see the three _together_ at the mall. They were instantly recognisable as a unit, the three multicoloured heads of perfect hair (in Riku and Kairi's case); but split them apart and no one would give a second glance to the feminine girl in pink squealing at a cat behind an aisle.

Or the talkative gamer resting his elbows on the see-through glass counter.

Or the guy with silver hair and a book in his hands.

Today was a different day, however, and Riku loathed change. At least, he loathed it where it counted; and when he and Kairi just _happened_ to find each other mutually locked out of their favourite stores neither was greatly amused.

They were together, which was two-thirds of the unit combined, but they did not want to find Sora at his game shop or wherever he was, because then their traditional practise of splitting apart and being _alone_ at the mall would be completely broken, and they both kind of liked their alone time.

The alone time... where no one would tease Kairi for being such a _girl_, however good-naturedly; or pester Riku with annoying questions like "What book are you reading? C'mon, tell me!" and cause Riku to whap him on the back of the head with the hardcover book and say, "Just look at the cover, you moron!"

So they were brooding together in silence. ...Actually, in Kairi's case she was sulking pitifully and trying not to look obvious about it (which didn't always work).

It felt decidedly strange being with Kairi at the mall.

It also felt strange being vaguely resentful towards Kairi's presence (mostly because Riku was no longer alone), and the silver-haired seventeen year old boy felt guilty about it so he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"So..." he began, indecisively, "Why'd your place get closed? Renovations?" The was the reason his store had been closed, at least, and he couldn't think of any pet-shop specific reasons for Kairi's favourite spot to close early.

Kairi shook her head. "No--they said one of the puppies had a virus and they didn't want anyone to get sick while they checked the rest of them up. Any humans, at least."

They were beginning to ease into their respective roles as best friends of the same friend timidly... but Riku's feelings weren't being helped by the fact that he kept expecting Sora to show up with his arms outstretched and yell, "Guys, they closed down every single one of my favourite shops! I need a _hug_...!"

Riku shuddered.

_With as many places as Sora goes to, he is bound to find **something** still open... _

"...Agh! I cannot _stand_ this any longer!"

Riku jerks to a halt as Kairi flings her fists up in irritation. "What? Can't stand what?"

"This! Our general _brooding_!"

...It seem that express irritation unlocks a different side of Kairi...

She sighs as she presses two fingertips to her temples. "Why can't we just hang out _together_ at the mall without being such _idiots_?"

Riku feels his face work into a grimace as he explains slowly, "Because I need my alone time, Kairi." Without thinking about how he must sound to other people, he goes on: "And _you_ need your alone time, too--let's face it, we can't hang out together _all_ the time or else we'd all go crazy. This is important."

The sea of people rolls against them--schoolgirls still in uniform, boys in dark-coloured shirts and jeans that blurs the background into an indistinct collage as Riku focuses on Kairi. Some of them travel against the current, like Kairi and Riku themselves.

The two pass several slower-moving groups without a backwards glance.

Kairi visibly starts thinking about his words as they stroll along, contemplatively. For some reason the undertone of anger has completely disappeared from their little atmosphere bubble of friendship and non-anonymity.

"...You're right, Riku." Kairi smiles at him quietly. "You're always right."

"Aren't I?" he quips, causing them both to laugh.

At least, this part is semi-comfortable. There is still an aura of tension, the uncertainty of trying new things that isn't weeded out quite yet.

But still...

They don't mind.

This is only for one day, after all... they can be flexible...

Before today, Riku hadn't realised how deeply rooted into his bookstore routine he had gotten, and now he feels surprised that he hasn't blown up unfairly in front of Kairi.

And for once, he is witnessing the phenomena of Kairi expressing irritation about something that's changed... because normally she flows with things, goes along the current without a word of complaint...

He supposes there's a first time for everything...

"So, what do you do at your bookstore?" Kairi asks, having grown accustomed to Riku's unfamiliar presence _at the mall_.

He shrugs. "I read... ...Lots of things..." Suddenly he realises that isn't the way to go about it. Reading is what everyone does at the bookstore, and to keep conversations going he has to go deeper into his day. "Wait, hold on a second..."

They stop and sit down on a bench.

"I read bad books," Riku declares. "And I laugh at them inside."

Kairi's laughter bubbles outwards in short bursts, a quiet and slightly embarrassed murmur of a giggle. "You read bad _books_?"

"Yeah... that's what I do. Listen to me--" and Riku shifts so he's facing Kairi straight on with his body and eyes. "--The most amusing thing about writers is not when they're trying to be amusing, it's when they're trying to be better than what they really _are_."

Kairi gives off another short giggle before shaking her head disbelievingly. "That is _terrible_, Riku! Y-you're honestly saying that you like ripping apart something that people put a lot of time and dedication into?" Riku glares at her pointedly, and she amends it hurriedly but smoothly. "A lot of time and dedication into getting _published_?"

"Yes." Riku rolls his eyes and nods for emphasis. Kairi would never think of doing that, so she's practically _scandalised_ right now... "I do that a lot, inbetween the times when I'm reading actual _good_ literature."

He eyes Kairi warily and asks, "So what about you? What do you do at your little petshop of horrors?"

"Besides look at the kittens and stuff?"

"Yes. Besides look at the kittens and stuff."

"Well, I guess... I..." Kairi smiles and shifts uneasily--embarrassedly. "You aren't going to laugh at me or anything, right? I mean, you _are_ a literary critic..."

"No, I'm not going to laugh at you. Promise."

"Um..." She titters and fiddles with her hair, looking down at her knees. "I... I imagine what it will be like when I finally get a real pet of my own." Then she looks him in the eye and says, "And I'm not talking about _fish_, Riku, I'm talking about..."

"...Kittens?" Riku offers, after she struggles to find the right word.

"Yeah... or birds. Maybe even a puppy, sometimes."

"...So why don't you just ask your dad if you can get one?" Riku sincerely cannot understand why Kairi hasn't turned on her puppy-dog eyes sooner. The logic escapes the gaze of his turquoise blue eyes...

"...B-because then... I'll know what it really feels like..." Now she is not even _trying_ to look at him, at all. "And..."

"..."

"...It doesn't get any better than this, you know?" Her hands fold neatly into her lap as she stares at them blankly. "The dreams...? It's always different from the dreaming..."

Riku looks at her quietly. "...It could be better."

He wants to put a hand on her shoulder right now, but doesn't. Kairi is on the edge of a great revelation right now... He can see it flash between her eyes...

"Yeah... but it wouldn't be the _same_..."

Riku smiles, a little forcedly. The energy is coming off Kairi in waves, and he doesn't think he can stand the sight of her turned away from him any longer.

"Look at you," he says, not unkindly. "You're--you're being all moody and stuff... C'mon, Kairi, that isn't _you_..." He cajoles her and urges, trying to get her to smile because she sounds dangerously close to crying and he can practically hear her sniffle now...

Kairi turns around and looks at him with such a raw expression in her eyes that Riku flinches...

...Turns his own head to look at the tide of people passing by them...

...And they pass the time in silence.

...Riku checks his watch and realises: "Hey, it's been forty-five minutes." He casts a glance at Kairi and clears his straining throat, just to be sure... "You think we should go hunt him down, or what?"

"...Thanks, Riku." It might as well explode out of her mouth, the way Kairi suddenly breaks her vow of silence. She smiles at him shyly. Slowly. "...You're... y-you're really _warm_, you know? Thanks for being so... sympathetic..."

"...Warm?" Riku absorbs it disbelievingly, then asks in mock indignation, "What happened to me being cool, calm, and collected?"

Kairi grins, and looks just like herself before suddenly--so spontaneously she must have surprised _her own mind_ at the moment--she throws her arms around his neck and breathes, "You're _warm_."

If they had both been standing upright, she would have had to take a running start or something... but sitting down she is just the right height to take a lunge and hug him.

Riku feels her smile ease tepidly into his shoulder as she goes on, "You're warm and you're solid and you're _friendly_, Riku." Her head nestles itself into place beside his neck. "Don't let it get to your head, this is what you were _meant_ to be doing."

He puts one hand between her shoulderblades awkwardly... carefully in response to her overblown grace.

...He feels...

"...K...Kairi...?" he asks suddenly--_and he is not sure that he wants to breathe anymore._

"Yeah?" Kairi's voice is slightly muffled, and the warmth she has pressed into his right side suddenly retreats as she backs up to look at him. Holding him at arms' length, thin wrists still resting on his shoulders.

Looking into her gauzy blue eyes, Riku feels certain things vanish and other things reappear, a solid righteousness settling into his stomach... Which helps him summon up the strength to say, slowly...

"I..."

He swallows, delicately. "K-Kairi, I think that I might--"

_BAM!_

"Hey guys! Kairi, Riku!"

His arms settle rigidly down to his sides as Sora runs down the mall's walkway, waving to them and clearly agitated about something.

Kairi takes her wrists off Riku's shoulders to look at Sora curiously.

"Where've you two BEEN? I've been looking for you guys...!"

If Sora is good at anything, it is finding his friends.

The weight of what Riku might have said dissipates into nothing as he stares at Sora disbelievingly and feels a sudden urge to strangle the boy. To hide in a corner and vomit his insides out. All the while despising himself for being...

"They closed EVERY SINGLE ONE of my favourite stores...! It was a _nightmare_--!"

Kairi stands up and murmurs some words of encouragement and sympathy as Riku stands at the sidelines, numb.

In his own little fantasy world, he is beating his head to a bloody pulp against the walls and wishing that Sora had never been _born_...

_When am I **ever** going to get a chance like this again?_ Riku asks himself miserably.

And a little voice answers perversely:

_You will never get a chance like this again. _

The dark laughter seeps into the cogs of his brain as he follows Kairi and Sora to their destinations:

Home.

...Home...

...where Riku and Kairi will--

_--where I will never--!_

...****

Where I will never be alone with her again.


	4. Blitzball Forever, Best Friend

**Blitzball Forever, Best Friend**

Time doesn't stop for pain, grey areas, or homesickness, all of which Riku has experienced over and over again.

Neither does Sora, raging into the hallway after a failed blitzball game with blood streaming from his nose and wet clothes.

Riku listens sympathetically with Kairi by his side and then pats Sora on the shoulder (even though he is cheering madly inside).

"It's okay, Sora," he says calmly. "It's okay. The ball didn't hit you that hard."

"I'm not _talking_ about the ball," Sora splashes, bloody nose dripping some strange sort of... slime.

Riku hopes it's blood, hopes to god that it's blood because if it isn't it's _brain_, and... _ewwww..._

"I'm talking about when Tidus swam up to GET the ball and he kicked me in the face!"

"Go. Tidus." Riku cheers solemnly. Inwardly he feels some sort of vicious triumph that _Sora got his._

Kairi laughs and scolds him, "Riku!"

"I bet you weren't even paying attention," Riku counters, sliding past Kairi's comment easily.

"I was!"

"You what?"

"I. Was." Sora jabs Riku in the chest with one finger before stalking off fuming. "Get _away_ from me, Riku, I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Aw, come on!" He follows Sora semi-helplessly and goes on, "Sora, man, I'm sorry--"

"Hey! Guys!"

Tidus, the tall blonde athletic super-tanned young blitzball star is running after them with enough ease to make Riku envious. Sora turns away from him as well.

Obviously he's not done with his hissy fit. Kairi looks at Riku concernedly and then digs in her backpack for a tissue-the hallway is spotted with red.

"Go away, Tidus-"

"No no no-hang on!" Tidus skids to a halt in front of Sora and then says quickly, "I-I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. For kicking you in the face." He shoulders the blitzball momentarily and then flips it into his hand like it's a great party trick and holds it out to Sora. "Here. You keep it."

"That's just a plain old blitzball," Sora scoffs.

Riku eyes it warily and wonders if it's really a bomb or a Heartless in disguise. Although Tidus isn't that surly-Riku would be surprised if Tidus did that even if _he_ got kicked in the face.

"Not just _any old blitzball," _Tidus counters. "My_dad's_ old blitzball. Winners keep it for luck, we said. And I feel bad for you, so let's pretend that never happened and you won. Yeah?"

"...Well..." Sora tries to make a show of thinking this over, but he's really rather pleased. Riku can tell. "Okay..."

He takes the blitzball, appeased for the moment.

Sora can't stay mad at anyone, least of all his mirror-image Tidus, best friend in the world. (Besides Riku and Kairi.)

Best blitzball friend.

Forever.

BBFF.

"Great! Thanks!" Tidus races off through several odd looks and skids over the blood. Riku looks at Kairi, expecting to see her clean Sora up with that tissue she was searching for, and is surprised to find her staring after Tidus with a mild, dreamy expression on his face.

As expected: "He's _dreamy..._"

_So Kairi likes blondes, huh?_ Riku thinks, and feels something squeal to a screeching halt in his stomach. He ignores the feeling as they cart Sora home to his crying mother and Kairi bids him goodbye on the way to her house.

...  
Riku goes home alone and... picks up a scissors.

He wonders if he should cut his hair and style it just like Tidus', but his fingers can't get around the scissors tight enough to actually cut. His bones are jelly now...

It feels... disturbing when he brings it up to his face.

...  
After five minutes of staring at himself in the mirror, about to savage his hair but not really, Riku frowns and puts it down.

_Maybe the scissors are stuck,_ he tells himself. He goes down to get a piece of paper, then goes upstairs again and tries them out.

Mysteriously, they are healed and cut through with little to no resistance. Like butter.

He tries it on his hair again.

No luck. (_Dammit._)

Riku tries it on the same piece of paper until his bedroom is littered with confetti and his mom will kill him in the morning and still-no silver strands arrested in their growth lie among them.

He throws the scissors at the wall and walks away, fuming.

_I can't pull off a tan anyway,_ Riku thinks, at the same time blocking out an image of Ansem-who not only had long silver hair but a decent tan as well. _The silver hair is what makes me RIKU. Why was I even thinking about this--_

Wait a second.

Eyes.

Riku skids over to the mirror, tripping and sliding over paper, then pulls to about an inch away from the mirror and stares himself in the face.

Eyes.

_Eyes._

How many people does he know in this world that have perfect turquoise eyes, like he does?

_No one._

Even if he botches this job up beyond repair, he will still have his eyes. (Unless a stray Heartless manages to gouge them out in a battle, but that's not really what Riku wants to think about.)

So...

Riku picks up the scissors and it is the damn _hardest thing he has ever had to do_, but he--

...  
"...Take this, sweetie. It was your father's."

"...Thanks, Mom..."

...  
"Yo, Riku--why are you wearing that freaky hat?"

Kairi's eyes widen. With one arm she presses a hand to her mouth, and with the other she whips the hat off, leaving Riku feeling dreadfully exposed to the weather. And to the eyes of everyone in the hallway as well.

His hair blows in the wind, faint silver strands chopped off abruptly around his shoulders, and...

And... there's a collective gasp.

_Shock._

Both. Jaws. Drop.

Movement in the hallway stops as schoolgirls faint everywhere and Kairi makes a sound somewhere between a terrified gasp and a scream.

The silence inexorably forces the blood to Riku's face.

Everyone is staring at him.

"_...What?_" he grits uncomfortably, in the hollow silence encasing them all. It snaps like a twig under his voice.

_Everyone is **staring** at him._

Blink.

Blink.

Riku has the space of one more eyeblink to wonder if he really should have done this at all.

...Blink--

_"RIKU WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR **HAIR**?!?!"_

---

_"I will love you if you cut your hair, and I will love you if you cut someone else's."_

_-Lemony Snicket in The Beatrice Letters_

  
--- 

...Snip.

Snip.

Kairi's careful incisions are much neater than Riku's broadsword hacks. As the tablecloth she's tied around his neck itches, she turns him around and around on the stool to get him from every angle possible until the end result is much... nicer... than Riku would have (or could have) done himself.

She smiles at him weakly and ruffles his hair, sending a shower of silver down his shoulders. "There." The redhead reaches behind Riku's neck (which is no longer hidden by his mane of silver hair) to untie the linen tablecloth. "How do you like it?"

"..." Riku surveys himself in the mirror neutrally. Scrutinizing...

It's a normal haircut. His hair is not like Sora's hair--it doesn't get all spiky.

It's not like Tidus', either, to sweep back in sunbleached layers.

...It looks kind of like Leon's hair. But Riku's silver colour makes it...

Riku tilts his head to test the weight which was somehow mysteriously ripped off his shoulders as Kairi shakes the tablecloth free of all debris and then folds it behind him.

The reason Sora isn't here is because Sora is downstairs, snickering, and probably calling every single person he knows.

"..." Riku sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair, feeling strange when the hair just stops abruptly. "It feels... strange..."

"You'd think so... wouldn't you?" Kairi puts the scissors on the desk and leans her elbows on his shoulder, entering the mirror frame with her shock of red hair.

"You're feeling chipper today," Riku quips.

"Why'd you do it, though?" Kairi asks. "Your hair... it's so..."

"..."

She sighs and corrects herself. "It _was_ so..."

Riku rambles on after her, droning, "Long and silvery and..."

"Perfect," Kairi sighs.

"Hm." Riku tilts his head, the other way this time--because Kairi's on his right.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why'd I _do_ it?"

Riku thinks and then says carefully:

"I was sick... of being mistaken... for a girl."

"That never used to bother you before."

Kairi looks down at her feet, drawing his gaze with her. The cut scraps around her feet shimmer down and it's like she's standing ankle deep in soft grey water.

This feels familiar even though he's never done it before.

This feeling of something heavy torn away...

It feels like he's falling asleep and he's never coming back.

"So how many people do you think Sora's told," Riku quips, and it's not a question.

"Just about everyone he knows." Kairi sniffs, and it's not like she's got a cold.

"Are you mourning the loss of my hair?" Riku asks. "You've been moping around all day."

"No..." Kairi shakes her hands free of the light silver strands that are like dust on her fingers, and she runs the same hands through her own hair before Riku says something.

He might as well say this now, while Sora is ruining his reputation on the phone and entirely too busy to do something about it. He has already made this new startling change... so why not?

"...Kairi?"

"What?"

But somehow he knows in his bones that now is not the time, after a new haircut. He feels loose in his own skin and the words would come out rigid and stale. They'd rattle out of his mouth without the ring of truth to them.

It would feel like a leftover from old Riku.

So he goes in the other direction.

"Thank you... for cutting my hair. Again."

Kairi smiles and nods solemnly.

"No problem." She sticks her fingers in his hair again and ruffles it, firmly. More silver strands fall softly like snow or drops of rain onto the floor.

They'll sweep it up later.

"I... kind of like it better this way, anyway." She takes her hand back and stares at it before adding, somewhat plaintively, "It's so soft... even now I can feel every single strand under my fingers."

Kairi tells him to take a shower.

Then she ruffles his hair again.

...

...

He doesn't want anyone to know, but...

It makes him feel dirty when she does that.


	5. Here is the Sun

Warnings: Language! Do not, I say **do not** go further if you don't like reading strong language. I'm serious.

-  
**Here is the Sun**

**-  
**Here is the sun:

Shining _straight into my **eyes**_, motherfucker!

Why won't you look at me?! Why won't you look at me, dammit, why won't you _look at me_?!

-  
Behind me: I can feel the sunshine on my back.

I look at my hands, laced with shadow, and everything is so quiet here.

I... smile...?

-  
Why won't you look at me?

Is it something I've done? Is it everything I've done?

Are you scared of the things I will do for you?

_Why won't you look at me??_

-  
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

You've got a lot to learn about women.

-  
What the hell are _you_ doing, crowding up my space?

-  
...

-  
You don't even exist. Why am I talking to you?

-  
...

-  
Answer me, dumbfuck!

-  
...

-  
Answer me!

-  
...

-  
_Answer me!_ What the hell do I do?

-  
...

-  
What the hell do I do, get her _ice cream_??

-  
...

-  
Ugh.

-  
...

-  
It's too fucking small in this place. I'm getting... fuck.

-  
...

-  
_Claustrophobic_.

-  
...

-  
**_ANSWER ME!!_**

-  
"...Nah." Riku kicks his feet up and leans back, nonchalantly. In Sora-Riku-Kairi's house, on Riku-Kairi-Sora's couch, with Kairi-Sora-Riku's plates in the sink. Sora is singing as he washes them. Humming some annoying little tune that gets into his brain and makes him want to...! _Ugh!_ "...It wasn't all that bad."

"Really?" Kairi looks up at him from the coffee table that could belong to any one of them, really. One hand supporting her red head, with such a thin wrist.

"Yeah, really. In fact... some of it was kind of neat, once I got past... the blindfold."

"Like what?"

"...There was this place."

He looks at Kairi to gauge her reaction. It is interest, and at the same time trepidation--should she be worried that he's stumbling into the back of his brain where that awful time in the darkness is stored, all that time where he was doing everything at once and going nowhere?

"I'd gotten past the point where I needed... someone to lead me around..." He cringes at the thought that he, Riku, could be so weak as to need a helping hand.

She says nothing; only listens intently. Sora's singing fades into the background as he scrubs some particularly nasty little dish free of clutter.

"It was quiet. That place..."

"..."

"I kept stumbling into things because it was so quiet. No echoes. Just the pulse in my ears, surging like a wildfire through all these... trees..."

"There were trees?"

"There were trees. And it was a forest, kind of. Only..."

"What?"

"Hey, keep quiet for a sec, will ya?"

"Sorry."

She's not apologetic. They grin at each other for a moment and then:

"So. Trees."

He searches his mind, back to what he's been talking about and who he's been talking _to_ (Kairi), and ends up in the same place he's started.

"Trees..."

"You were there and it was quiet," Kairi pokes helpfully.

"Quiet. Stop talking about the trees, you weren't there."

"Okay, fine."

"..."

He's about to take a breath and speak before she accuses him: "Blitzball hater."

"I don't _hate_ blitzball, it's just that I don't see the point in it." A well-worn accusation with a well-worn defense.

"Whatever."

"..."

And again: "That glare you shoot Tidus whenever he beats you? Thirty-five to one? That's a little love stare."

"...Shut up. It wasn't thirty-five, it was more like--"

"Sora forgave Tidus for kicking him in the _face_! Gosh!"

"Eight. And--trees, dammit!"

"Which reminds me, I still haven't got used to your hair."

"..."

"..."

The silence goes on for too long and Kairi fidgets.

Riku, in a split second, forgives her and says:

"It was so quiet there..."

"..."

"I had my blindfold on and I was walking through the trees and everything was so... very... still."

"Still?"

"No birds. No bees. Nothing. Just trees and a whole lot of dirt. Grass and things..."

"No animals at all?"

"_Nothing at all_."

"..."

Was that why it survived the first onslaught of the Heartless? No hearts, therefore no darkness? Nothing?

"And it was so quiet. So still. If you stopped for just one second and put aside your heartbeat and your loud, crazy steps through the woods, I think you might have been able to..."

"Yeah?"

"...You could hear the grass growing."

"..."

"It was so still. It was so still."

"...It sounds perfect."

"It was."

"..."

"I wanted to show it to you."

"...Thanks."

-

...There is this big, inexorable science to getting up in the morning.

Little things.

Things that Riku has done over and over again, before _that time_--and things which everyone else has done before, Sora and Kairi included--and now he's just not _doing_ them anymore.

Little things.

It's not that he's not _doing_ them, it's that he isn't _living_ through them properly. The sun and the waves are getting stained, by such time and distance and... monotony.

The boredom is triplified. Because he doesn't remember what it was like to be simple. He knows it's boring and it should be, and he shouldn't really care that he's not paying attention while he's washing dishes, but he does, and it _hurts_.

A lot.

And something tells him...

It's going to hurt a lot worse before this is over.

The little things.

Like the light through the window, shining straight into his eyes. 

-

**Notes:**

_Riku  
Kairi  
Riku  
Random Darkness Voice in Riku's head  
Riku  
Random Darkness Voice  
Riku  
Random Darkness Voice_

...And so on. Until the real chapter starts.

**Real Notes:** I wanted Riku to have an angry-crazy chapter. So he got one.

Angry-crazy: Not to be confused with angst, surprisingly enough. This doesn't _feel_ like an angsty emo-ramble--just dramatic.

And yes, I could have structured it so the cursing came at the end, where the soft delicate people could not have their innocence tarnished. But it opens the chapter with a queer sort of _bang_, don't you think?


	6. Citrus Fruit Plus Hormones Equal

**The Effects of Oranges on an Overly Hormonal Teenaged Mind**

...

Kairi smacks an orange in front of Riku's face and says, "Eat it!"

"...What?" He stares at her like he's got no sense of self-preservation--the way his heart is beating right now can beat the band. And he didn't sleep too well last night, either...

His heart twinges slightly as Kairi gives him a Stern Look.

The one that means, 'I've been watching you, Riku, and I know what you're trying to do so listen to me. And listen good.'

"Fine, I'll share it with you."

"_...Why?_"

"You haven't been eating that well." Of course Kairi would be the mother figure, as she is (in a totally non-sexist way, Riku thinks) the sole girl in their little group. Riku would look after the younger two, but he's doing homework half the night. Sora has neither the personality nor the time, what with blitzball practise and his friendly rivalry with Tidus.

Wait a second...  
_  
...in a totally non-sexist way...?_

Riku can't remember why he took the time to worm that into his thoughts, especially when he never said anything aloud.

"Eat it," Kairi says.

A year without her boys has honed Kairi's determination to ensure that they both of them last throughout every single day with the bare minimum of their vitamins, calories, and minerals.

It means she gives them food, but it also means they can't refuse it.

Like last Christmas with the fruitcake.

...Riku shoots her a half-hearted, mushy sort of look that could just as easily mean 'I don't care one bit about eating oranges in the middle of the day' as much as 'Fine, I'll eat your stupid orange.'

Then he picks the orange up and starts to peel it. His sight goes a little blurry from fatigue and he yawns a little in the process of shedding the orange's skin.

"...Riku."

"What? I'm eating it!"

Kairi gives him another look. This one is very clear in its intentions and it means she is going to say something important, something now, but she isn't sure how he'll take it in his half insomniatic state.

Riku gives _her_ another look that means, 'I will not take it well, whatever you have to say, so don't say it.'

Her gaze hardens a little, then softens unexpectedly as she decides to humor him. "Okay. Remember to give me half."

"Right."

They are sitting down at a table in the open air, forgoing milkshakes and french fries for the sake of an orange.

Kairi is pretending to nibble at her fries as she scrutinizes him, and Riku tactfully limits the line of his sight to the white and orange fruit in his hands, drying and giving his skin a strange, crackly look like scales.

But he knows.

Kairi is watching him. Like a _hawk_.

"You know, you never do this with Sora," he remarks suddenly, keeping his bright eyes downward.

"I slip vitamins into his drink."

"Hm. Figured." He tries not to laugh because that is exactly what Kairi wants him to do, laugh and go to the next question.

"Anyway, I--"

"But really, you _never_ do this with Sora."

The orange is out of its skin and he cracks it in half with a wet sort of sizzling sound.

Strange sound... like firecrackers popping in the ocean.

Riku holds one half out to Kairi and the other remains in his hand, blending atrociously with the pastelly purple shade of the table.

It's a beautiful day.

"I always give Sora food. Remember last week when he skipped lunch and almost lost us the blitzball game?"

"You don't... _force-feed_ him."

"He never resists." She takes the half carefully and starts to nibble at a slice. It counteracts the boldness of her statement.

Kairi, unlike the orange, blends in perfectly with this outdoors cafe. It caters to teenagers of the alternative sort, the kind who are all for feminism and freedom of speech and soft rockers with acoustic guitars and indie movies with great music.

Oh yes, and there are vegans.

Riku supports all of those things, mostly because Kairi would kill him if he said no, but he can't help but feel conspicuous here because he is a guy.

Suddenly he remembers the importance of 'In a totally non-sexist way' and his sense of displacement is astonishing, now.

Speaking of displacement: The cafe is entirely full at this time of day, and right now a couple of girls are standing around uncertainly looking for a place to sit.

One of them, a petite looking... college student Riku guesses, has long, dark, shiny hair with brown streaks in it. She's wearing an interesting blue cardigan that falls all the way to her ankles, a black tank top, black biker shorts with zippers on them, and a miniskirt over it all. 

Also, armwarmers; matching blue armwarmers, no less.

She is too beautiful to be anything but a vegan.

_God_, he hates vegans.

The silver-haired boy averts his gaze to his orange half on the table so he won't meet her large, pretty vegan eyes and shoves a whole slice in his mouth.

"Chew your food."

"Yes, _Mom_." He rips another slice off his half and can't help but seethe slightly as he does.

"What?" Kairi cranes her neck to look around behind her. "Someone you hate again?"

"_Vegans._"

Kairi finds them after a moment, catches the large, pretty eye of Blue Cardigan Girl, and waves cheerfully.

Blue Cardigan Girl waves back, delighted, her mouth falling open in a stupid vegan smile, all bright and happy and straight-toothed and white. It looks supremely adorable on her, and he hates her even more.

Riku suddenly sees where Kairi is going with her greeting and stands up in his seat. "Oh god no, Kairi--**_please_**, I hate vegans!"

"You want to sit over here?" Kairi calls.

"Damn it!" Riku settles back down, defeated, as Blue Cardigan Girl bounces over immediately. Kairi scrapes another seat over and settles next to Riku, who wants to die _right now_. Seriously, _he wants to die **right now**._

"Hi!" Blue Cardigan Girl sits next to Kairi and instantly starts a conversation. "Thank you _so much_ for letting us sit here, sweetie--my name's Rinoa, and this is my friend Quistis." She gestures to the quieter college girl who has light wire-rimmed glasses and blonde hair, sternly pulled back in a high ponytail. "What's your name?"

"I'm Kairi. And this is my friend."

When Riku doesn't fill in the blank, Kairi kicks him under the table and glares.

"Ow! ...I mean, hi." Riku looks down sullenly and fiddles with his orange. "My name's Riku."

Quistis doesn't miss this for a second. She smiles broadly, then looks Riku straight in the eye and makes a loose fist with her right hand, before flashing it over her shoulder and back.

Riku stares.

Then he scowls, and outright glares at her.

"It is not like that," he says, much to the confusion of Rinoa and Kairi. "It is not like that and it will never be like that. There isn't even an 'it' right now, so just--"

"What are you talking about?" Kairi askes, clearly not amused.

"Yeah, what?"

Riku shakes his head quickly. "It's nothing."

"You don't _get it_?" The older stranger is cracking up--which is strange because she seems like a somber sort of woman.

"It's nothing! Shut up!"

"Maybe you need sound effects," Quistis says. "_Whapish!_"

"What?" Rinoa asks, infuriatingly innocent. "I don't get it--what do whips have to do with anything?"

"Oh, fine." Quistis settles down with a slight giggle. "I suppose I shouldn't tarnish your innocence just yet."

"Thank you," Riku says sarcastically.

"You're welcome."

As Quistis turns on her bright vegan smile for him, Riku looks down at the table and seethes inwardly, feeling it in his stomach.

He hates them both _so much_.

-  
The cafe is starting to empty right now. It has been an hour (_one hour_) since Quistis and Kairi and Rinoa first met up and started talking to each other. Well, Rinoa and Kairi are talking animatedly--Quistis is the sort who just stands on the sidelines and jumps in at the opportune moments, when they need a helping hand from a slightly older woman or if she just wants to be witty.

Riku just sits there. Uncomfortable. _The only guy there._ What a knockoff.

He thinks, at several points in the conversation that they have all forgotten him, but then Kairi glances to the side and steers the conversation delicately away from something too... _feminine_ for him.

And he thanks her for that. Inwardly, since she does it too many times to count. He will maybe thank her later, when the amount of estrogen in the area has lowered just a bit and the other two won't go, 'Aww, that's so cute' because they will be _walking away_, thankfully _walking away_, and Riku won't feel like his personal space has just been invaded to the point of breaking in on him like a dirty glass bubble with cracks in it already.

...

God, he hates vegans.

-  
"Riku!"

Kairi tags him on the shoulder playfully.

"Hnh!" He jerks awake from his half-stupor.

"I feel bad for you--you can't relate to anything we're saying."

"...Gee, _I wonder why._"

Quistis and Rinoa laugh heartily.

"You're so _cute_," Rinoa says fondly, like she's known him for a really long time.

Riku seethes, but he has to admit to himself that _Rinoa's cute, too_...

Kairi grins. "Tell them about the time you got drunk and started--"

"No."

-  
There's a lull in the conversation around half an hour later, as the sun sets. Kairi swirls her drink languidly and nods as Rinoa finishes a story about being in space.

She's good at telling stories.

Riku drifts for a few seconds, and when he wakes up the mood is hushed.

Something about crystal tears streaming upwards, because it's space, and...

...and...

the outline of silver rings on black...?

"...turns the oxygen back on, and..."

_She goes home,_ Riku remembers. _Oh, wonderful home..._

"...That was beautiful," Kairi says, waking Riku from his half-sleep.

One of the few things he remembers Rinoa saying in this story is _Open_...

It feels important, but...

"Riku, were you sleeping?"

Quistis nudges him softly with one hand.

And Riku suddenly feels thankful that these are girls, because only girls would be nice enough to nudge him like that instead of jabbing at him or something.

He can _take_ it--anything anyone throws at him, really--but he just... likes it better when they're gentle.

Because, literally: it makes him feel like they care.

About _him_.

-  
So he's watching Kairi listen to another story, this time about someone he can't remember doing something he wants to forget.

Riku suddenly feels Quistis' eyes on him, and he turns to her expectantly.

"How long have you two known each other again?" Quistis says. 'Again,' meaning Kairi has told them once or twice.

"..." Riku shrugs. "Since we were, like, six..." He doesn't bother to omit the stupid word from his speech because these are girls and _they won't care_. "Why?"

She gives him a long, long look before she sighs forlornly and tells him, "I think you know why."

-  
Quistis stands up.

"Rinoa, we've got to go. Class in the morning tomorrow... but we should do this again sometime."

"I'll call you, Kairi!" Rinoa waves. "Thanks for letting us sit here again!"

"No problem!"

-

They watch the other two leave, walking off into the orange sunset slowly.

"..." Riku scoffs.

"What?" Kairi looks at him with a grin on her face.

"Okay," he tells her.

The grin grows wider.

"So maybe. Vegans. Aren't. _That. **Bad...**!_"

Kairi laughs outright, smacks him on the shoulder, and drags him home.  



	7. December

**Notes: **I'm sorry for the wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry; that is all I can say. Here is my silly apology chapter that will make everything a little bit better!

**-  
How to Wash Dishes Riku Style**  
_December_

- - -  
(Do you remember? Do you remember?)

Playing games with bits of string--bright colors, fractured colors, swimming in front of his eyes. Emptiness in the pits of her face, the strange bright lights that conquered the sky when she arrived... everything was gold. She was so plain, so placid and blank, but she was happy. At least, Riku thought...

(Do you remember?)

Well. That was how it was then.

-

Now there is school, two colors: blue and white intermingling like heavy tropical rains intermingle with the sand on the beach, thick mud. White like paper, like snow. Riku has never seen snow on these islands and something in him aches for it again. If it gets cold, he hopes while reading textbooks on the subject, then maybe it will snow. What does he remember of snow from that place in the darkness? If it gets cold enough, it will snow; but it is never, never cold on the Destiny Islands.

Does Kairi remember snow?

She looks up at him when he asks her the question, gaze frizzling into the distance contemplatively. Her red hair allows for a flush to set into her cheeks, perpetual. "Snow?" Riku sets his face to the default expression--not amused, not sad, not anything--because she probably doesn't remember. "Snow is what happens when it gets cold enough. The air in the upper stratosphere gets heavy and loaded with ice--no, that's hail. Snowflakes are thin crystals of ice in fancy geometric patterns. We make them out of paper every Christmas. I'm pretty sure we learned this in school, Riku. Why?"

He shrugs.

"Well... actually I remember _something._ I remember looking out a window that was wider than I was tall, and taller than _that,_ most definitely. So when I looked outside I could see it. I could see the flakes sticking to the glass and then melting from the heat of the room so it looked like rain in slow motion. I don't know why, but I remember this."

"I remember being outside," Riku says. "When I was younger. Before Sora and you and I, we three, got inseparable. I used to stand in the rain until my mom yelled at me to come in or else I'd catch pneumonia. My hair got so heavy it hurt. But--" he leans forward eagerly and he sees himself shine in her eyes. "I remember standing in it. Not rain, but snow. _Snow._ I remember not getting wet or heavy, just crunching through it step by step and not feeling the heaviness--just cold, cold dirt that melted against the front of my boots. Or it didn't melt, sometimes. Wow, snow! It was _cold--_do you remember ever _standing_ in it?! It was not _anything_ like rain, not like _this_ rain. Our rain here is warm and heavy, but... I... I just remember--!"

"Maybe I'll remember if you describe it to me."

"I--!" Riku is getting so hyped up about this and he doesn't know why. Why is he so happy? That's Sora's job, to be _happy_, while Riku mopes about love lost and love forgotten, but now he is thinking about snow and everything is all right. Yet he has to put things in context so Kairi will understand it. He takes a deep breath and starts from the beginning.

-

Here? Here there is _nothing_; it is a dead place, totally lifeless, dry leaves cracking and shed like dust particles in the sun are shed from living things. Only there's no sun here--_where is the sun shining straight into his eyes?_ Orange, brown, black. Faded colors, old colors--Riku never liked Halloween. Dead colors swarming everywhere like lethargic little bees. It scrapes against his inner ear like a bad note, like sandpaper on chalkboards and just as... as... In fact, he can't even think of an adjective, it is so irritating. Horrible.

Cold, cold, cold, but not like ice at all. Ice Riku can handle. This stuff, this air he can barely even breathe, this is full of decay. He is a hair away from screaming and portalling out because he hates it so much. Oh, Halloweentown, the world he hates already. Souls stoop languidly against themselves here, crawling and dragging from place to place. Even the tall lanky man in pinstripes, holding himself straight as a rod, Riku sees it only as lurching in fast-forward, a lightning quick torpor. Doesn't help that he has a skull for a head. Bones for arms and legs.

Really. _Really_. He can't stand this anymore.

By now Riku is just wandering through the forest looking for life and he has found none of it. This world is entirely unlike all the other worlds he's been to; this one makes a point of reveling in death. Even the desert place surged with life wherever people congregated, like oases. He doesn't know what he's working towards. Every step is dry and barren, crumbling. His gloves, all these layers he's wearing do not offer any protection. He paces, he snarls, he rages ahead silently trying to find a place where there is life because where there is life, there Sora will be. Sora wouldn't stay _here_ for very long, he wouldn't--

Riku blinks.

He _feels_ something. Something tingling and green and _alive_--he strides through the remaining walls of trees getting more and more excited, more eager. He feels his way through the death, around to the spider-sharp source until suddenly it blazes, surging through his eyelids and manifesting itself into a miraculous _way out_.

-  
Riku shoulders through the door. There were three doors, or more. Possibly. Maybe? But he picked this one, the pointy green tree-on-a-tree because... well... he'd never seen it before. What kind of people put stars on top of trees?

As soon as his foot lifts from the threshold and plants on the floor, it gives into surging blackness and then swirling lights and all sorts of crazy things. Riku has only experienced this while running, going so fast that his jaw clatters and his teeth could be shaken loose. Only those colors he saw, those were normal-colored streaks and blurs, windy needles in his eyes that caused tears. Riku sees all sorts of ungodly combinations like red and green (Kairi would never wear green, it is the opposite of red and it clashes), blue and orange (orange is so jarring), and most importantly yellow, yellow, yellow like lamp-lights or sunlight in the evening.

Riku twists and thrashes against nothing in the tunnel of lights, fighting to regain control of himself until suddenly everything stops--the wind pressure, the darkness and flashes; everything. There is a great lurch like a clawed hand dropping him onto the ground, and in the split second he has to brace himself he prepares for broken bones and hard dirt, because he doesn't know how high he is (being blind as he is). Maybe, miraculously, sand that is soft and dry to insulate the pressure of his fall and then he won't _have_ broken bones.

Instead he falls into coldness--ice shavings? It's cold--it's like _winter._ Nighttime in the desert--Riku's teeth are chattering so hard it's like he's running, but he's still. He has never felt this ungodly chill before, except...

The pale-haired boy allows himself to straighten his back and kneel upwards out of this _cold_. He slathers a gloved hand in it--white dirt, like foaming water without the water, frozen in place--and experiments a little by clenching his fist. It holds, just like wet dirt or sand. But Riku feels droplets forming on his face and neck, dripping lower into his hood until they reach his shirt like little ice-touches of someone else's hand. It _melts._

Imagine that.

"What."

Riku pulls the knot out of his blindfold and is surprised he doesn't cringe. It's nighttime. But he sees expanses of blue and white all over, piling in little hills that roll all across the horizon like the whitest, coldest sand he's ever seen. As he turns around, observing all three-hundred-and-sixty degrees of this world, little flakes of the same stuff start to fall on him. Of course he can't feel it on his sleeves, but he can feel it on his face and it _melts_.

"Melty frozen water falling from the sky... um... Interesting." Interesting enough to cause all his anger to run away. He trudges towards the faint yellow lights on the horizon, hoping that Sora will be somewhere.

But maybe he is hoping he won't find Sora just yet.

-  
"And that's what it was like."

Kairi blinks slowly, pondering. "Hmm."

"Do you remember? Huh? Anything about snow?"

"...No."

Riku's heart deflates slightly.

"Sorry."


	8. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

Something important has happened! Please go to my profile for details.


End file.
